Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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