He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
