its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
