Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
