we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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