So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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