We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize