I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
