May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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