Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
