Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
