do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
