Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
