You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
