Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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