I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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