College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize