I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
