you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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