just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
