He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
