I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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