yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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