So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
