If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
