i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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