So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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