is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
