Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
