My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
