This is not my ceiling
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
