i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
