even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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