I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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