More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
