I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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