Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize