The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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