Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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