mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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