I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
