Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
