Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
