just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
