I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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