he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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