I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
