you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
