I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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