pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
