hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
