I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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