I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i need some magic done to my vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
