I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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