You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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