I love black thongs
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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