Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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