I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
