doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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