We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
