True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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