I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
