textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
