ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
