Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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