She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I pour the whiskey from now on
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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