WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
